


Letters to Those I Love

by Fallenangel87



Category: Black Mirror (TV), Black Mirror: Bandersnatch (2018)
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-26 04:01:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17738636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallenangel87/pseuds/Fallenangel87





	1. Pearl

Dear Pearl,

If you're having to read this, I just want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you're having to grow up without a father now. I'm sorry for every birthday I have to miss out on and every Christmas. I'm sorry I won't be there to walk you down the aisle or to show up to your school events. I'm sorry that I'll never know what your passions are and the things you hate or all of the things that you want to do with your life. I'm sorry that I won't be able to be around for you. 

I can't tell you for certain what happened to me and I'm sorry for that too. There's a lot I can tell you about, though. I'll try to give you the best advice I can to try and make up for the fact that I won't be able to tell you it as you grow up. I hope this letter finds you well and that you can read it in the times you need it most. I hope I can comfort you at least a bit and help you as much as I can. I hope you look like your mom. I hope you play some kind of sport because I never did, but it's okay if you take more after me. I hope you aren't too much like me. I hope you're always proud of yourself because your mother and I are so proud of you. 

I hope you find someone who makes you happy and someone who always make you feel like you're perfect because you are. I hope there's not enough of me in you to make you fucked up. I didn't expect to have you so soon in my life and I never expected to leave you so soon either. I'm sorry for both of those things. I wouldn't trade you for the world, baby. You made me into a better person and I know you'll be wonderful. Never doubt yourself. Doubt is one of the worst things because it's all in your head. Never give up on your dreams or what you truly want in life. 

Your mom is the strongest woman I know, I want you to grow up like her. She's always going to take care of you, so don't ever doubt she loves you as much as I do. You're the best thing to ever happen to me and I know you'll keep making all of us proud. Even though I can't be there with you physically, you'll never be alone. I'll always be right beside you. I left you a box of my games and my shirts, I hope they comfort you and that you don't mind the smell of smoke too much. If there's only one thing you ever remember about me, I hope it's that I loved you more than life itself and I can never tell you that enough. I hope you keep your head up, baby. 

I love you,  
Dad.


	2. Kitty

Dear Kitty, 

I don't even know what to say. First and most importantly, I want you to know that you and Pearl are the only women I've ever loved. You both mean the world to me and I never want you to doubt that. Meeting you was the best moment in my life. I was in such a bad place and you raised me up from that. 

I've left my money to you two. Use it however you need it. I've also asked Stefan to keep an eye on you two to make sure you're both okay. Keep an eye on him too, please. I know this can't seem real to you right now, but please keep moving on for her sake. Pearl needs you. I know it seems dark right now, but the light will shine again. I never want you to give up. Teach our girl that she can change the world. Don't let her watch Disney movies that teach her to find a prince. Show her things like Brave to empower her to be her own hero. You'll have no problem with that. You were always my hero. 

I'm sorry for hurting you and for not being around often enough for you. Remember to take a break when you need them and remember that I love you so much. I don't know where I would be if it hadn't been for you. Always remember that you're amazing. My share of Tuckersoft is supposed to go to you, yeah? I hope it helps you. My records are yours too. I hope that you can forgive me in time, Kit. You mean the world to me. 

Love you always,  
Colin.


	3. Stefan

Stefan,

Who ever would have thought we would make it to this point? I thought you were just a goofy kid when you walked in, but you proved me wrong. I wasn't always easy on you and that's because I wanted you to grow as a person. How is Bandersnatch? I hope it's going perfect and just how you wanted it to, but I also hope that you're taking time to take care of yourself. If you haven't eaten in more than four hours, stop everything and go have dinner. An actual dinner. If you've been awake for more than fourteen hours, go sleep for at least seven. 

I know you don't always take care of yourself, love, but make sure you are. Keep taking your meds and please go easy on your dad, he just wants the best for you. Watch out for Kitty and Pearl too, yeah? Just make sure they're okay. I never thought I would leave behind a daughter and a wife. Did I ever tell you I married her? We went down to the courthouse one day last summer and just got hitched. Made it official with a ring and everything. God, she looked so beautiful. What did I do to deserve you lot? 

I want you to know I always believed in you and I always will love you. You all mean the world to me and I never thought you would. I never imagined I would have a family, but here you are. I'm just sorry it had to end like this. Don't cry for me at my funeral. If I even have one. Just smile and keep moving on with your lives. I hope you figure everything out for yourself and I hope you start understanding the world a bit more. I've asked Kitty to give you a few tapes that I think you'll love. Seriously, take a few breaks, Stef. I know you'll be able to do this. 

See you around,  
The Colin Ritman.


End file.
